tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87494279215883517132024-03-05T00:04:23.953-08:00From The Inside OutLearning to put feet to faith, love in life, and laughter into each day...Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-76122155877369799842014-02-28T14:23:00.003-08:002014-02-28T14:35:42.454-08:00The Best Choice<i><span style="color: #45818e;">Lisa Jo Baker invites us all to write for 5 minutes (as a way of </span></i><i><span style="color: #45818e;"><i><span style="color: #45818e;">letting go of perfection) </span></i> each Friday. We all write about one word...Today's word is CHOOSE. Welcome to <b>5 Minute Friday </b>found<b> </b></span></i><a href="http://lisajobaker.com/"> here.</a> <br />
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IN the moment. That is what I call this child of mine...my IN THE MOMENT child.<br />
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I can't worry about yesterdays...surgeries and appointments; medicines and diagnoses; limitations and hopes.<br />
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I can't worry about tomorrow. It is not guaranteed. She may never talk. She may never do so very many things.<br />
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But if I choose to focus on that, I miss the moment that is right here.<br />
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She is love embodied. She is joy, and she is fiest, and she is a gift. Each moment I choose to see, is a moment I am thankful for.<br />
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Before my precious little peanut came into my life I was always spinning from one situation to the next, my mind was always, always, always whirling. But parenting a child with special needs changes all that because no matter how hard I try, I can not control the pace of her life.<br />
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Unless I want her to pay a high price...sacrificing all the wonder and possibility that she may discover in her own moments in her own time.<br />
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And that is something I will <b>choose</b> not to do.Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-19342164624936568212014-02-14T08:35:00.000-08:002014-02-14T08:59:52.618-08:00Garden-5 Minute Friday<span style="color: #134f5c;">This is my first 5 Minute Friday found over here: </span><a href="http://lisajobaker.com/"> http://lisajobaker.com/</a><span style="color: #45818e;"><a href="http://lisajobaker.com/"> </a><span style="color: #134f5c;">Fun...will add pictures in a bit! FINALLY, I did it.</span></span><br />
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In my mind the visions are beautiful and plenty.<br />
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The rows of vegetables are even and marked by sticks that are lovely, yet imperfect, because they are made by precious little people who live under my roof.<br />
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The fruit trees blossom, and produce fruit that is lovingly transformed into luscious pies and homemade jams. <br />
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There are summer parties where friends gather and take home the overflow, and there are healthy opportunities to snack everywhere I turn.<br />
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The benches that line the paths of my garden beg me to come and sit with my Bible. And I do, each morning, with my cup of coffee.<br />
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It is a place of nurturing and learning for my precious little daughter with special needs. Who doesn't talk, but does love. Who is learning to read, but not quite learning to count. In my mind my garden is a rich and full place of endless counting practice. Ryan's Rooster Ranch is in the corner, with its picket fence, and every day we count the eggs we collect and the vegetables we pick.<br />
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That is all in my mind. In reality I have a side yard that is all dirt and dead weeds.Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-89919336872777187182014-02-05T16:42:00.001-08:002014-02-05T16:42:22.979-08:00A Million Little Stories<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like the one about the guy who came walking into the emergency room with a bullet in his chest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or the one about the purple rubber glove and a kiss.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or failing to stand. Or endless waiting rooms. Or company coming and going and coming back again, laughing and crying and all that fills the moments in between. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My hubby's mom has severe dementia, and began her forgetting well over a decade ago. My hubby's dad has Alzheimer's and masked it with anger, fooling an entire family for years as we worried about mom.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My certainty that my life will settle into routines of blogging, Bible Study, Homeschooling, ministry and family are foggy wishful thinkings, lost in weeks of ambulance rides, hospital rooms, and decisions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A year ago, my father in law went into the hospital with severe dehydration. It weakened him so much that he was never able to return to his assisted living center. He stayed in a rehab facility for weeks with my mother in law in the building next door, until they were kicked out. Memory Care for two people in our county was around $150,000 a year. Just as we were preparing to look out of state, we found a memory care facility in a neighboring county that we could afford.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We drove an hour to have a look and loved it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After three long weeks trying to make it in the assisted living wing, we made the decision to move them to the memory unit...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago my father in law was taken back to the hospital, three times. Twice he would not have made it through the night had he stayed home. Two separate times there have been medication errors. It is exhausting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of his kids were here, coincidentally, as this was happening. Saying goodbye when each one left took on a whole new meaning...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But now he seems to be perking back up. Perhaps he may even go back to the memory unit with his wife. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have made alternate arrangements. We have a PLAN A and a PLAN B. God has provided, and we are trudging along in faith. But we are weary. My hubby and I are both a bit brain numb today...Sometimes balancing all of life seems impossible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because there still is this partial homeschool thing that we are doing, and want to do well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And a ministry that we are trying to build momentum for. And a airplane my hubby would like to get in the air again, and businesses that must be maintained in order to pay those dog gone bills.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am pricked by the knowledge that God wants to build my character through all of this. He wants to build my faith and reliance on Him. And so on my gratitude list is added, very simply, deep breaths. They carry me through this season, and help me refocus on the joy that is very real and very present if only I pay attention...</span>Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-79437763032259083762013-11-29T17:18:00.000-08:002013-12-01T08:02:34.020-08:00Of Course I Don't Let My Kids Climb On The FurnitureUntil I do.<br />
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Ryan was invited to a gymnastics birthday party a few weeks ago. Sometimes I forget how not normal my "normal" is.<br />
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They set up an obstacle course for the kids at the gymnastics studio. There was a trampoline and things to climb over. The kids LOVED it!<br />
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However, the 4 year old siblings lapped Ryan 3 or 4 times every go around. They were so polite, "Ryan, can we pass you?" Ryan, of course, just smiled as she let each of the kids go by.<br />
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But I had to face facts...Ryan is significantly less coordinated than "typical" kids.<br />
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Parenting a child with Special Needs involves a constant tension. The tension is between accepting and loving them for who they are, while trying as best as possible to give opportunities to stretch and grow.<br />
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So I came home and rearranged my furniture into an obstacle course for her to climb over and navigate. I may have even started one outside.<br />
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I had my Bible out and was working on a Bible Study while Ryan played, and it reminded me of my own life...there is a constant tension between where I am and where I wish I were in Christ. The <i>sanctification </i>of my character is often not as rapid as I wish that it were. I am not in shape. My house is so often a mess. I don't serve as many family meals around the table as would be best for my family. I don't balance my checkbook.<br />
<br />
But my life IS marked by Christ. I encourage people to read the Bible and serve the Lord. I am more broken hearted for the poor around the world than I used to be. I pray more. All of this is because God loves me where I am, but too much to leave me there.<br />
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Exactly how I feel about my daughter. Which is why, occasionally, I let her climb on the furniture.Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-42091183760272644462013-10-24T09:52:00.002-07:002013-10-24T09:57:49.065-07:00A DifferenceThere should be a bigger difference. There should be.<br />
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I look at the government of this country and how the people behave and it is appalling. The decisions get poor results. The way they talk about and treat one another leaves little room for hope in the future. Principles are compromised. Relationships are based on what one can gain, not what one can give. I want my kids to behave better than that in this life.<br />
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I look around in the church and I see the same thing.<br />
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But I want <i>different </i>for my family.<br />
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We are trying to put more outside, poetry, and color into our days. I want my kids to be unique, thinkers, kind and brave. I want them to love the Lord. I want them to <b>be the church</b>. I want collegiality, thoughtfulness, the willingness to disagree and not wish harm on the other side, and the desire to obey Christ foremost in their days.<br />
<br />
During the government shutdown Christians should have held hands all around the Capital building praying together that our nation honor God. United--congregation to congregation, denomination to denomination--in fervent prayer for God's blessing. We don't even need to be united in what that blessing looks like. After all, God is actually the one in charge of it and He is not a democracy looking for the most popular idea to make happen.<br />
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But, as Christians, we should all want His blessing for our nation. <br />
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And we should all want His blessings for our churches.<br />
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And our families.<br />
<br />
So why don't we act that way?<br />
<br />
"There should be room for..." I have heard myself say over and over again at ministry meetings. I think what I was really pleading for was room for me. Isn't there room for me? Someone who doesn't think like many of the others; someone who finds it painful to silently disagree, so she speaks out; someone who sees things differently and often predicts things accurately; someone who wants to scream "I told you so" regarding those situations that are lived-out-predictions that others like to call "coincidence". I still wish we could all just get along a little bit better. I wish our lives in church would be built around what we can give and not what we can gain.<br />
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I am pretty sure that's what Jesus wants to.<br />
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It turns out figuring out how to live that is a more advanced skill than I currently possess.<br />
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But I am not giving up. I am still learning and growing.<br />
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Earlier this fall I heard a great speaker at an education conference say, <b>"We need to be exposed to consistently reliable and sophisticated language. What is readily available today is consistently unsophisticated and often unreliable language." </b>That is profoundly true.<br />
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There should be a difference between the way the world functions and the way the body of Christ functions. There should be a difference between Congress and the church. And if I want there to be a difference between the way my past was and the way my future will be, perhaps I need to concentrate on consistently reliable and sophisticated input into my family and my mind.Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-87153161941735380472013-10-22T19:57:00.000-07:002013-10-22T19:57:15.172-07:00Perfection in ProcrastinationThis Bible Study has been sitting, unopened, on my shelf for years. Literally.<br />
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I just never did it. But <i>right now </i>is actually the perfect time for me to walk through the book of Joshua with Henry Blackaby in <u style="font-weight: bold;">Called to be God's Leader</u>. It is so insightful and informative.<br />
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And convicting.<br />
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This morning I found myself seeking the Lord's forgiveness. There was a section in the study about the epidemic of evangelical idolatry and I have lived out the example almost verbatim! Seriously? My intentions were good, but my approach missed the mark.<br />
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Nothing is as important as obedience. Nothing. Obedience precedes all other blessings. Obedience precedes growth. Obedience to God is the preeminent and stand alone concern we should all begin and end with. The only focus I should have. How do I show my love for Him? Obedience.<br />
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<b><i>"Throughout the book of Joshua we find the following pattern: God spoke--Joshua obeyed--Joshua experienced success."</i></b><br />
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I don't hear God speaking as clearly as Joshua apparently did, but I have God's word. I am loving studying it again--I have been in a dry spell for a bit. I am thankful for the fresh anointing; thankful for God's word; thankful for conviction; and thankful for perfect timing that can even bring the best from procrastination!Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-69312980566749142662013-10-20T16:47:00.000-07:002013-10-20T16:47:28.284-07:00GiftsI have those moments when I am overwhelmed at how good God is. This week gave just these kinds of gifts.<br />
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Last Sunday, after doing a ministry booth for Brighten A Corner at a local church, I came home and started working on a Bible Study I am doing. A study that has been sitting on my shelf gathering dust for years. I am loving it! While reading Scriptures and filling in blanks I had an epiphany. I realized that God wants me to deal with my laziness.<br />
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God doesn't speak to me in an audible voice. It is hard to articulate what it <i>really looks like </i>when I feel like God is communicating with me, but it is a certainty in my mind and heart. The certainty lines up with Scripture. The effect of the impression would either benefit others or mean more godly character for me.<br />
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Not very sophisticated, but that it is my life with Him.<br />
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Sometimes a revelation like that is NOT what I want. Really. There are so many areas of my character/life that need "fixing". But in this tiny moment of time, I found this empowering. I really felt like letting God do His work in me would be a great, great thing.<br />
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Monday rolled around and I prayerfully continued to mull around getting rid of my laziness. Lo and behold I had more energy to approach our home school day!<br />
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<br />
Tuesday my former house cleaner--who I had to say goodbye to last year because we couldn't afford<br />
it--was back. PRAISE THE LORD. She and I cleaned for hours. I put away piles, threw things away, folded and scrubbed. It was the cleanest my house had been in months.<br />
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YES! It seemed like the mere act of confessing that I was ready to deal with my laziness made room for change.<br />
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I have actually gotten on the treadmill more than once. I have been more patient. God is just so good.Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-67714945387763852952013-09-27T19:44:00.000-07:002013-10-19T07:43:15.998-07:00Better Than NothingIt's hard not to get down on myself.<br />
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I don't do speech often enough with my daughter.<br />
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I don't do music.<br />
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My house doesn't get clean enough. My routine is not established enough. There are always so many more things I could do.<br />
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But the first month of school is behind us, and while there is so much more that I deeply desire to do better, I should pause and celebrate the things that have gone well.<br />
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We made homemade strawberry jam. We are doing all kinds of creative things to strengthen hands and improve handwriting skills. The jam was delish!<br />
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We searched for plastic numbers in died spaghetti. Learning how many dots go with each number is a LOT of work!<br />
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We are learning all about our stop and go fingers!<br />
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And Reagan is growing and thriving, too.<br />
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I will try to get better, but we ARE beginning to learn Proverbs 1, are reading <u>The Red Badge of Courage</u> aloud on occasion, have reinstated library trips almost regularly and have at least thought about it enough to outline a weekly routine that--if followed--would help me enormously in the never-ending-is-it-ever-possible quest to get organized.<br />
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That is certainly better than nothing.Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-82748698069533103972013-09-04T21:06:00.000-07:002013-09-05T17:45:52.786-07:00Endings and Beginnings<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was another one of those hard mama days this last spring. The approaching end of the school year meant the end of another year with Mrs. Sims...simply the best teacher in the whole world. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ryan's IEP team had a plan for this school year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was the not the plan I wanted.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I thought I could take steps forward in faith, and be </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(as) </span>open minded (as my typically closed mind could be).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I went and observed the class they suggested she would be in. The teacher was wonderful. The environment fabulous...for typical kids. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the teacher barely acknowledged me. She asked no questions about Ryan. She looked at the floor rather than looking me in the eye and I knew in my heart...she did not want my daughter in her class.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I get it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thirty two kids in a class is just too many. And one who will never learn the way the other kids do, who doesn't talk, and occasionally laughs so hard she wets her pants, can be just. too. much.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But she is mine and I love her more than life and even though it all made perfect sense I went to my car and cried. There was just no way I could leave my daughter at school each day believing she was looked at as a burden.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My hubby and I began to look into my older daughter's private school. We would need to provide an aide, we would need to pay tuition, but the door was open.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then the restaurant I have worked at (very) part time decided to close at the end of the summer. Our income was cut as our outgo needed to increase. </span><br />
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I chose to believe God would provide.</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I felt peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week Ryan began her 4th year of kindergarten at the San Luis Classical Academy. We are just so excited. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">SLOCA, as we family members call the school, is a hybrid program. Tuesdays and Thursdays my daughters are on campus. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, they are home schooled, based on a curriculum provided by the school.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We do get to augment...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The end of one school means the beginning of another adventure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The end of employment means more time to devote to my family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am excited about both the ends and the beginnings...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-25521374589938667032013-08-31T20:45:00.001-07:002013-08-31T20:48:15.922-07:00Lamenting the End of Summer<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This was going to be the summer I wrote daily.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Epic fail.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">However, that doesn't mean the summer was a failure. It just means I didn't write. It was, actually, a great, great summer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God met me. He showed me stuff about myself. About the world. About how the world and I go together.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I read. TONS. There were many blogs and articles (I am a recovering magazine addict) and books. Just a few of the books were:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Interrupted</u> and <u style="font-weight: bold;">Seven</u> by Jen Hatmaker</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Kisses from Katie</u> by Katie Davis of Amazima Ministry</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Half the Sky</u> by Nicholas D. Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My perspective is forever altered. I saw missionaries speak at various churches. I prayed about where God may or may not be stirring my heart. I am excited to move into the future.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In addition, I felt like God graciously granted my hubby and I joy in several areas that were draining the life out of us at the beginning of the year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We hosted a family reunion for his family, so everyone could visit his parents at the Alzheimer's facility they now live in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We threw a birthday party for my nephew.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We went to Disneyland.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We hosted a MURDER MYSTERY LUAU.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span id="goog_1829053904"></span><span id="goog_1829053905"></span>The day after the last family member pulled away, we served the Lord.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There were bbq's and water parks and pool days and naps and I just LOVE, love, love summer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss it already.</span><br />
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Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-12798388519496839812013-06-16T17:14:00.000-07:002013-06-16T17:14:09.589-07:00GrowthRecently I read a great blog post: <a href="http://michaelhyatt.com/find-mentor.html">http://michaelhyatt.com/find-mentor.html</a> It basically describes ways to get input that will help with personal growth. It is great, and it has made me <i>think.</i><br />
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Over the years I have been mentored from afar by many great and talented people. People I have studied and learned from with (sometimes) very little contact. Others with a great deal of contact. I have asked many direct questions to fuel my growth and satisfy my thirst for knowledge. I have also watched subtleties in how different people interact with others.<br />
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I am so far from the person I want to be, but I am closer than I was before.<br />
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Much of my struggle as a human being is in the area of organization. I have spent hours reading blogs and books and magazines trying to change. Recently I have had a few tastes of doing things in an organized manner...I liked it.<br />
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The other night my hubby and I had the privilege of taking our turn to host a "Supper Club." For nearly a year 4 other couples have joined us every few months, as we potluck at each other's homes. It is a great time to gather and share and laugh. The husbands actually have as much fun as the wives do!<br />
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Sometimes PINTEREST can be my mentor. It can be the source that paints the picture for me of how I want my life to <b style="font-style: italic;">feel. </b>I was actually organized for my company to come over...</div>
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Lately it seems like several people I have admired have either fallen off their pedestal or fallen on hard times. </div>
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Some I think..."I used to want to be like you, but I am not sure I feel that way anymore." Others, it is more like..."I still want my life to be like your life <i style="font-weight: bold;">used to be.</i>" </div>
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I am in a time of transition. So far I have protected myself from filling the emptiness I face with filler<b>. </b>I am fighting the urge to avoid having <i>nothing</i> immediately replace <i>the something</i> I lost.</div>
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My life is actually already full. But loss can make me grasp for anything to hold on to. Part of this journey is learning to decipher the way people I admire <b>look, </b>and who they really are, and not worrying about how I look, but on who I really am.</div>
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Psalm 46:10 says: <span style="background-color: #fffefd; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><b>Be still, and know that I am God.</b></span></div>
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In being still, I give myself time to acquire wisdom. Sometimes it is wisdom I already possess. Sometimes it is wisdom I must seek out. <b>"Walk with the wise and become wise, for the companion of fools suffers harm," Proverbs 20:13.</b></div>
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I want to be wise, and this summer I want to grow in wisdom. I will make that happen by:</div>
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<li>Reading materials written by wise people. Classic works of literature, blogs about subjects I am looking to grow in and most importantly I will read my Bible.</li>
<li>Spending time with wise friends, and getting rid of useless words and conversation in my life.</li>
<li>Simplifying. I want to clear out clutter so that my mind can be more clear.</li>
<li>Serving HIM. I have a huge Brighten A Corner project coming up. This ALWAYS grows my character.</li>
</ul>
<div>
I am peaceful. I am excited. I will be growing...</div>
Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-476645472832691432013-06-10T21:10:00.001-07:002013-06-10T21:10:32.572-07:00InspiredI volunteered to make centerpieces for the 8th grade graduation at my daughter's school. She is in 7th grade. Next year will be her last before high school...I am slightly nauseous as I write that.<br />
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There was a request for simple flowers. Daisies. I am not a florist, but I thought, "Why not?"<br />
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Flowers in Mason Jars.<br />
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It has been said to me in the last several weeks that I seem to have more conflict in my life than most. My daughter's former school was a huge source of such conflict. It grieved my hubby and me. We still love that precious little school that struggles; but it is such a stark contrast to the healthy environment we now call our school.<br />
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It allows me to grow. Instead of feeling like I needed to do the whole graduation, I could sign up to do flowers. Even better, I could e-mail the others who signed up, and we could each do a bit.<br />
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This amount of order to the process is huge growth for me. This was the day <b>before </b>the graduation.<br />
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I long to be the person I am not. Organized. Efficient. Clutter Free.<br />
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The graduation was at a home. And the home has sent my mind spinning since I arrived. It is not that I am envious. I don't necessarily want <i style="font-weight: bold;">that </i>home, but it was such an accurate reflection of the people who owned the home. It was complete. Finished. Simple. Whimsical. Serious.<br />
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I want to make progress in my journey to create a home that reflects <i style="font-weight: bold;">me. </i>And I want a homeschool environment similar to the one in that house. (Maybe there is a bit of envy.) I am inspired.<br />
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Here's hoping it leads to action!Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-22157464673787159592013-05-18T20:44:00.000-07:002013-06-05T17:47:23.965-07:00Great PlansThe depression was creeping in; dark fingers in the periphery of my mind. I knew it was coming.<br />
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A place of ministry that I love is coming to an end I don't understand. I know life is messy. I know condemnation comes in places I don't want. Don't agree with. Can't stop.<br />
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But God's timing was purposeful. Impeccable. Sovereign. Because I could not bow down to the cloud of depression.<br />
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When the depression started in, the ministry of my heart, Brighten A Corner, had a fund raising concert just two days away. This was already a PLAN B, as PLAN A failed to come together. I knew I had to remain engaged. The team had worked so hard...and it was coming together.<br />
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People started coming. Auction prizes were being bid on and sweets were being delighted in.<br />
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The opening three acts were all fabulous. The Holy Spirit was thick in a room of people enjoying music, ministry and one another. The hard work was paying off.<br />
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I introduced the headlining band CLOVERTON...thrilled that my little idea of bringing them in for a concert had come to life. I was the only one on the team who knew their music--the one song played on the radio and another on the internet--but the team gathered around the idea. When the band took the stage the room was electric. Their talent was stunning. The music, the lights, the smoke filled atmosphere of the church was the breathe of fresh air my soul was craving...<br />
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Then the lead singer, Lance (who feels like a friend) began to share from his heart. The other band members discreetly left the stage as the spotlight rained down on a man and his piano. He began to share his song about a great verse, Jeremiah 29:11. Great Plans I have you.<br />
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And I was undone.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">I know you’re tired</span></i></div>
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span></i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>the darkness in your eyes</i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">
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<i>I’ve come to recognize</i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">So lay yourself down</span></i></div>
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span></i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>in the shelter of my tree</i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">
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<i>rest awhile with me, here</i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">Great plans I have for you</span></i></div>
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No one's opinion of me should ever replace God's opinion of me.<br />
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And HE used music to fill my soul with hope, as my heart is going through the humanness of grief.<br />
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Over and over that song is being poured into my mind. The tears of loss are falling, but they are mixed with the tears of gratitude that always there is hope.<br />
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It is a privilege to serve the Lord. It is a treasure to be open to His message. It is joy to know God brings people across our path to speak to us.<br />
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<b>Great plans he has for me.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Dayenu.</b>Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-15212309336227515072013-03-14T17:26:00.001-07:002013-03-14T17:26:58.339-07:00Special Needs Sandwich<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There were moments today that certainly did not reflect the fact that I spent eight weeks last fall teaching a Peacemakers class.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oops.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think it is a mistake to think that being a peace maker translates to "everything is always peaceful". Or that "peaceful" equals "quiet". Right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My hubby said, "That nurse is always so nice to me."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let me be clear. I did not imply she wasn't nice. What I <i style="font-weight: bold;">said </i>was that her decisions meant that we were much further away from where we wanted to be. She was very nice about it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But the results were the pits.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I was upset about it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And now she, the administrator of the nursing home, and several mouth-wide-open onlookers know it. As I apologized for my outburst to one of the physical therapists she said, "It's okay. It is perfectly understandable." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally a voice of reason.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In this current season of life, several times a week I drop my daughter with special needs off at school and travel 35 miles to attend to my mother and father in law, who, with different stages of dementia, also have special needs. I find myself taking deep breaths just to get through the day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Loving people is not easy. And wanting really great things with extremely limited resources is a challenge.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When the rehabilitation center my father in law is in wanted to reduce his "mood" medication I was not happy. How do you explain that his good moods are a sign that something is terribly wrong? They didn't believe me...laughed it off...said it would be fine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a long day of refusal to do therapy, bad news from a Neurologist, and having to take my mother in law down the hall to her own room, he gritted his teeth and growled at me. Half an hour later, as I took a few things into his room, he threw up his hands at me and said, "Get out of here! I don't want to see you."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And my heart broke.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not for me, I know better. My heart broke because he was truly that emotionally agitated--whether it was rational or not--and now we have to move him again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To...I don't know where. On paper they belong in an Alzheimer's facility. In real life, they are two sweet, old people who just want to be together. They won't run away. They won't get violent. They won't walk down the hall naked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But they won't remember who I am without some coaching. And often don't remember their last meal. And could never be responsible for their own medications. But don't need to be surrounded by people who can't carry on conversations. And that means we. are. stuck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I try to remind myself that God has it all under control. But that is currently and exercise in discipline, and not anything close to an emotion.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just don't feel it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I want to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I will keep praying that God will turn my want to into an emotion. That HIS peace will wash over me and I will know what to do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Meanwhile, I go hug my little peanut--the daughter who is different--and that restores me. Sometimes I feel like I am in a Special Needs Sandwich...that in between generation...and the filling is a bit thin...but I need to go on...</span>Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-33267970264840019482013-03-09T21:53:00.000-08:002013-03-09T21:53:45.333-08:00Themz Fightin' Words...There was tension in the air, and it was thick.<br />
<br />
"I have 6 speech therapy appointments, 5 doctor appointments, out of town company, my father in law may have had a stroke and need to be moved to a different facility to receive more care. I cannot set up a time to meet right now."<br />
<br />
"Come on, Robin, you don't have an hour?'<br />
<br />
"No. I don't. I am spent."<br />
<br />
"Okay, a half an hour."<br />
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And that is when it became abundantly clear to me..."I will not do this. My family comes first. You are going to have to wait."<br />
<br />
In that moment it did not matter what disagreement, misunderstanding, difficult part of being human led us to this point. I realized <b>exactly </b>what my priorities were, and I would not budge. No matter how offended/angry/disappointed anyone else was. <b><i>My family comes first.</i></b><br />
<br />
Less than twenty four hours later my father in law was back in the hospital with life threatening dehydration. He never returned to his previous retirement home...he is still in a rehabilitation facility.<br />
<br />
In three short weeks I was in the Emergency Room four times with three different members of my family.<br />
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That night of intense "discussion" may be one of the best things to ever happen to me. My eyes feel open wider. My thoughts keep circling back to one notion:<br />
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<b>What if I <i>only </i>spent time on things that were worth fighting for?</b><br />
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Can I let everything else go?<br />
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What if I spent time asking God to truly show me...if something is not worth fighting for, is it worth expending <i style="font-weight: bold;">any </i> of my energy on it? How much of my time, energy, emotions do I waste on things, people, places that will never help someone be closer the Lord or teach my children God's ways or make me love my husband more? Does anything besides those three things really matter?<br />
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I am going to continue to dwell on this idea.<br />
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I am praying God's joy for simplicity radically changes me, and I can focus with laser intensity in a few things and achieve excellence in those few things.<br />
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I am grateful for the fighting words that helped me plant my feet and say to myself (more than anyone else) "I will not do this right now. My family needs me."<br />
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<br />Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-9696815467332409482013-01-03T21:03:00.001-08:002013-01-03T21:10:01.980-08:00MomentsWe have never really been pet people. I don't like saying goodbye to animals at the end of their life, and my hubby says we are too dysfunctional for pets. He contends they will end up being more work for him, and he already has a (very) full plate. So, this Christmas, when I got my heart set on getting a kitten for our 11 year old daughter, things got a bit tense. I assured him we would all chip in. I promised it would go well.<br />
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But his feet were a bit planted. And so were mine.</div>
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In the middle of another “discussion” I simply got honest with him. “I am not fighting for a cat,” I pleaded, “I am fighting for a moment. The time when we can buy that child a present that will make her cry is coming to an end. Our options are fewer and further between than just a few short years ago.</div>
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I am fighting for the look on her face when she sees the cat.”</div>
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And with that, he gave in.</div>
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In the teary blink of an eye, we became cat people. My daughter named her Purr; my hubby said it was short for “Purrfect.”</div>
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Although the kitty is currently in “time out” for scratching the couch, we ALL love her dearly.</div>
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God’s graciousness can shine through the tiniest of things. The tiny decision to make room for a little girl to love a kitten, and we realize it was not the thing we dreaded…it is a good thing.</div>
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Sometimes when you change your mind, you leave room for God to change your life.</div>
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<br />Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-29267479162193438092012-12-13T11:27:00.000-08:002012-12-13T11:27:30.657-08:00?????I am sitting here slightly nauseous. The stress is mounting and I am frustrated.<br />
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Lord, help.<br />
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I am not sure how to stop the spinning and I know I need to breathe but I am in a coffee shop with teenage noise everywhere but it beats going home where my husband might still be there and still be cranky.<br />
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His stress has been mounting for a while.<br />
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I want to eliminate it, but I don't know how...not really. I am trying.<br />
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I want things to be exactly how I want them. I thought they were moving in that direction and then things shifted. Different perspectives can sometimes be beautiful...like the colors of a kaleidoscope; and sometimes they can be distorted...like trying to wear the wrong pair of glasses.<br />
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I want beauty to infuse my world.<br />
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However I need beauty to infuse my soul.<br />
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Nothing in the last 24 hours changes that. Not the bad day. Not the bad mood. Not the different idea.<br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><b>"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; And by knowledge its rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong, and a man of knowledge increases power. For by wise guidance you will wage war," Proverbs 24: 3-6</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><b><br /></b></span>
I want to seek wisdom with greater effectiveness. I feel empty, which is a great pace for God's word to fill me.<br />
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I want to ponder understanding. How can I understand the members of my family at a deeper level? How can I encourage them to understand one another at a deeper level?<br />
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Help me, Lord. ????????Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-65711004382810030012012-11-07T07:33:00.001-08:002012-11-07T07:33:22.228-08:00Coming to GripsOf course I cannot sleep.<br />
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I am trying to wrap my mind around an election that was unfathomable to me.<br />
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There is no single thing to blame. It is not the hurricane, not the media bias, not the wrong candidate. It is that a culture can be so numb to the loss of freedom and staggering debt that chokes the life out of innovation and creativity that makes this so devastating. How can you restore hope, when freedom is lost?<br />
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We are a society that is lost if we don't understand the magnitude of how much we live outside of our means. When there is no more money, what then?<br />
<br />
Eventually someone will stop lending and start buying. Buying shares in a nation that has been free for centuries.<br />
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Please, Lord, show me how to respond.<br />
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AMENRobin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-86916617081808187072012-10-24T10:24:00.000-07:002012-10-24T10:24:10.003-07:00Coming Out of a Slump<br />
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I knew last spring that I wanted to do a Peacemakers Bible Study in the fall.</div>
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Because conflict is so real, and conflict is so REALLY hard to deal with well. I was asking God, "How can I BE ME...fired up about things that fire me up, passionate about truth and transparency and NOT have conflict wreck me emotionally?" The book <span data-mce-style="text-decoration: underline;" style="line-height: 1.5; text-decoration: underline;">Peacemaker</span> by Ken Sandee is phenomenal, and his ministry had a Bible Study for women. Perfect.</div>
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Procrastinating as I do, I did not get the DVD's in my hands until mere days before Bible Study was to begin, and as I watched them I knew I could not show them. The topic--so important--needed to draw people in.</div>
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I fell asleep during the second session.</div>
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And so my well-planned out fall, with a weekly DVD Bible Study format, radically changed. God was saying to me, <strong style="color: black; line-height: 1.5;">"My precious, precious baby girl...you have so much work to do on handling conflict in your life; pressing play is not enough to <em style="border: none; color: #444444; line-height: 1.5;">really </em>grow you the way I need to."</strong></div>
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Those who have served in ministry for a while have learned a constant: Where you are teaching, Satan loves to attack. So, when the icy winds began to blow into my marriage and my home the first week of Bible Study, I was not surprised.</div>
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<a data-mce-href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2057" href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2057" rel="attachment wp-att-2057" style="color: #743399; line-height: 1.5;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2057" data-mce-src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Blog-icy-wind-500x375.jpg" height="375" src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Blog-icy-wind-500x375.jpg" style="border: 0px; clear: both; color: #444444; cursor: default; display: block; height: auto; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px auto 12px; max-width: 100%;" width="500" /></a></div>
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It has been really, really good study. Tuesday Night ladies are a really, really great group.</div>
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But as the responsibilities of preparing and teaching for an hour and a half each week were added unexpectedly, I fell into a slump in many other areas--homeschool, laundry, dusting, and dishes.</div>
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The Bible swallows me and my attention whole. I am riveted by it, and excited about applying it to life.<strong style="color: black; line-height: 1.5;"> I love to see women growing:</strong></div>
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One stepping out in service with boldness that is completely fresh and new; another riveted by a message God is piercing into her heart and head, begging for a way to get out; someone else with a brand new marriage that is 4 kids and a decade and a half old; and yet one more precious woman dealing with loss and tragedy, excited about how God has used them to teach her kids about faith.</div>
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Really, folding socks just pales in comparison...</div>
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But my family IS ACTUALLY the most important place of ministry I have, and if I want to shift the icy winds in a new direction, intentionally building my home routine is essential. God showed me undeniably that He loves my family, and reminded me how small minded I can be in what I allow to cool my affections. As always, when the ice is beginning to melt, I know (yet again) He is calling me to re-focus on taking care of the peace in my home.</div>
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<a data-mce-href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2059" href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2059" rel="attachment wp-att-2059" style="color: #743399; line-height: 1.5;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2059" data-mce-src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/IMG_1979-500x375.jpg" height="375" src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/IMG_1979-500x375.jpg" style="border: 0px; clear: both; color: #444444; cursor: default; display: block; height: auto; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px auto 12px; max-width: 100%;" width="500" /></a><a data-mce-href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2060" href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2060" rel="attachment wp-att-2060" style="color: #743399; line-height: 1.5;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2060" data-mce-src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/IMG_1980-500x375.jpg" height="375" src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/IMG_1980-500x375.jpg" style="border: 0px; clear: both; color: #444444; cursor: default; display: block; height: auto; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px auto 12px; max-width: 100%;" width="500" /></a><a data-mce-href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2061" href="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/?attachment_id=2061" rel="attachment wp-att-2061" style="color: #743399; line-height: 1.5;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2061" data-mce-src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/IMG_1984-500x375.jpg" height="375" src="http://www.abcchurch.org/women/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/IMG_1984-500x375.jpg" style="border: 0px; clear: both; color: #444444; cursor: default; display: block; height: auto; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px auto 12px; max-width: 100%;" width="500" /></a></div>
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Five batches of soup and ten other meals prepped and in the freezer for later, loads and loads of laundry folded and put away, pave the way for conversations with my hubby.</div>
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When the chills of life separate us, I miss him. He doesn't necessarily say it, but I know he misses me, too. We laugh at me...while making an incredibly important point at the Peacemakers Bible Study, I stop dead in my tracks, "I did that very thing to my husband tonight," I tell my friends. "That means I have to go home and apologize and I don't want to."</div>
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But God IS FAITHFUL, and by the time I got home I really did want to apologize.</div>
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I don't want the ugly me to go on unchecked. I am grateful for conviction.</div>
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A few days later I look forward to chores at home and the hope of getting things done.</div>
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I tell hubby that I find my heart <em style="border: none; line-height: 1.5;"><strong style="color: black; line-height: 1.5;">longing </strong></em>for simplicity, and he is in total agreement. Together we work on priorities, fearing that the holiday season will bury us alive if we don't purpose for it not to; and I am praying God moves my hands and my feet to follow my longing. Because a peaceful life requires Bible Study, friends and a commitment to my home...not necessarily in that order.</div>
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Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-58679451044926660352012-09-20T18:10:00.002-07:002012-09-20T18:13:10.454-07:00The Only Ones LeftAs my brother in law drove away from the restaurant I had only one thought: We are the only ones left.<br />
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It was over a decade ago that my mother in law's memory began to slip. Her mother had the same thing, only later in life.<br />
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Slowly her life began to close in. She could no longer take care of grand kids. She dropped out of the church ladies' circle. She stopped buying birthday presents or Christmas gifts. She gave up her driver's license.<br />
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Her husband, my father in law, became her sole care giver. He was fiercely protective of her. He loves her. The problem is, she is not well taken care of.<br />
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Eventually she stopped changing her clothes. She no longer took care of her finger nails or toe nails. She forgot to shower.<br />
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My husband and I were the first to talk about a change. Many years ago we took them to model homes in our area. We painted the picture of moving out of the mountains and to the grand kids where they could attend ball games and plant a garden. They stubbornly refused.<br />
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My father in law dug his heals in, promising to make a change in the future...to move back to his home state. His words were empty. He began lying to his kids and laughing about it to his friends as his wife's memory faded...<br />
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In her day she was a teacher and an artist. She was funny and generous. Every one loved her. Yet as she floated into her twilight years her dignity was disappearing faster than her memories.<br />
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If my husband were an only child things would have gone much differently, but he is not and it took time to get everyone on the same page. They were coming to our house for Christmas we were told, and as they made their way down the interstate we would get the phone calls:<br />
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<li>"Mom is limping. Her foot is really hurting her. She can't remember what happened."</li>
<li>"Lois has a really bad foot. I think it is getting worse. She can barely walk."</li>
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By the time they arrived at our house, my husband and I had the plan in place. We would take her to the doctor with or without her husband's permission. He was the king of, "She'll be fine. We'll go to our own doctor in Grass Valley." His hostility was always on the brink of explosion, always something to be navigated around.<br />
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Her foot was infected because her clothes were dirty and she never showered. Her toe nails needed a doctor's care. And I looked at my heart broken hubby and said, "I would never allow my mother to live like this."<br />
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Weeks later my family and my husband's two brothers and sister came from across the country and Canada to end the situation. Resolute, my husband said to his father, "Mom is coming with me. You are welcome to come, too, but if you want to move to Oregon you must go find a place by yourself and then I will bring her to you."<br />
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He was so brave.<br />
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Grandpa came too and we found them a place at a wonderful Christian retirement home near us. My father in law screamed and jumped up and down. He pounded his fist and pointed his fingers at us.<br />
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He made my daughter cry.<br />
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And we have worked hard to make this their home, and increased medications for bad moods, and kept family members updated, but as my brother in law left the restaurant heading for a new life several states away, I realized we were the only ones even close.<br />
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A brother is now in Texas; another in Maine; and a sister is in Canada.<br />
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Every holiday is ours. Every call with an injury or reports of bad behavior come to us to manage. And I realize why the 5th commandment is the one with a promise:<br />
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<span style="color: #45818e;"><b>"Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord is giving you." Exodus 20:12</b></span></div>
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It is not easy, nor is it simple, but it is worth it. Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-83973290343464193112012-09-07T09:39:00.001-07:002012-09-07T09:44:06.221-07:00Remaining Principled<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The question I find myself pondering is this:<b> "Can I ever develop consistent character if the ends justify the means?"</b><br />
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Two news items this week have me wresting.<br />
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First, the Democratic Convention takes any mention of God out of their platform. Then they put it back in.<br />
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I am a devout Christian who has spent a fair amount of time pondering the importance of a Biblical world view. I absolutely believe God SHOULD BE acknowledged by any American political party.<br />
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HOWEVER, the party has procedures in place. If an amendment to the passed party platform is desired, that amendment must be introduced; a motion to accept it offered; that motion seconded; and a vote taken. The vote must receive 2/3 support in order to pass the amendment.<br />
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The verbal vote taken--three times--on the convention floor simply did not sound like a 2/3 majority supported the change. In fact, it didn't even sound close. The chairman, who according to the audio I listened to, seemed incredibly uncomfortable...he knew what he was supposed to do, he seemed to realize it could not be done if the rules were to be strictly followed, but it was done anyway.<br />
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I am not sure who won.<br />
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I absolutely want God acknowledged in all politics. But mostly I want 2/3 of the people to also want God acknowledged; and I want to know that the rules will be followed to protect us from the emotional highs and lows life throws at us.<br />
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Second, a bad guy was convicted of a crime.<br />
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I believe he was guilty. I believe he is also guilty of another crime he has yet to be charged with. Both crimes were the murders of his wives--wife #3, and wife #4. To say this guy is unlikeable is an understatement.<br />
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The problem I have is this: The vast difference between believing beyond a shadow of a doubt someone is guilty, and having the prosecution prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone is guilty is huge. They are NOT the same thing, and in a society of laws the burden is on the prosecution not our opinion.<br />
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They changed the rules to ensure the outcome. Never before has heresay been allowed in court with this much influence. It is a slippery slope, that may very well get overturned by a higher court in the future. This bad guy might walk after all.<br />
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Having faith means trusting that God will work things out, and that it is my role to follow His ways even when the short term outcome looks bleak. Not so easy for me.<br />
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I can easily be an "ends justify the means" kind of a gal. But watching it unfold in third party this week helps me to realize that the consistency of my character needs to be a value I strive for, even if I have to let something I would like to have go...for now.<br />
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God really will have it. HE really does have longer term vision that I do. Why don't I remember that more often?Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-18385176423341232812012-08-24T09:56:00.003-07:002013-08-26T16:05:04.471-07:00The Fragile State of a Mother's Heart<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
I cried all the way home, and I am not a crier.</div>
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Yesterday was the second day of first grade for my precious little peanut. It was the first day that the kids were instructed to put their back packs by the classroom door and then head out to the playground to play until the bell rang. Then they line up on the basket ball court.</div>
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Yesterday, as we walked to the play area, a sweet little girl came up to my daughter, Ryan, and talked to her. They then grabbed hands and went to the play structure together. My heart was overwhelmed with joy.</div>
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You see my daughter is different. She has a chromosomal abnormality. She is the only one one the world with her particular differentiation, and the bottom line is that too much genetic information is not how things are supposed to be.</div>
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She doesn't really talk. Her "run" is not like a typical 7 year old, because getting her body to do what is natural for others is a lot of work for her.</div>
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For Ryan, learning is difficult but loving is easy.</div>
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Yesterday the morning was blessed. Today the morning broke my heart.</div>
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The same little girl was there, so I encouraged Ryan to go play with her. Ryan tried to grab her hand, but the little girl pulled away. Ryan followed her into the play area, but the little girl turned her back on Ryan and went in the other direction.</div>
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I watched my daughter be rejected.</div>
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This summer I grieved the loss of kindergarten for this very reason. In kindergarten there was an amazing teacher who--long before Ryan was in her class--considered kindness to be the most important thing you could ever teach. She looked at Ryan as a huge gift to her and the other students. Every day I knew Ryan was safe, cherished and valued.</div>
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How can I bear, with grace, the devastating reality my daughter must face?</div>
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HE will mold me, and SHE will show me. As I breathed deeply and continued to watch I notice two things:</div>
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<li><b>Ryan didn't skip a beat. </b>She went to the play structure, climbed to the top of the slide, looked to make sure I was watching and slid down. She did the same thing over and over again, laughing the whole time.</li>
<li><b>The other little girl didn't find any one else to play with. </b>She never smiled, and actually looked a bit lonely.</li>
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After Ryan had "conquered" the slide 6 or 7 times she bobbed out to me and gave me a big hug. When she walked into the classroom, she was all smiles and big waves.</div>
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She was okay. I was a mess.</div>
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My husband and I did not know there was anything special until after Ryan was born. When she was two days old and in the hospital, my pediatrician came to examine her. When he finished he said, "I am so, so sorry. But I would put your baby in the category of there's something not right, but I don't what it is."</div>
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I said to him, "Well...I painted on the wall above her crib, 'And God looked at all He had made, and indeed it was very good.' I guess it is time for me to figure out if I really believe that."</div>
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In high school English I didn't realize that <u>Flowers for Algernon</u> was preparing me for my life. A life I wouldn't trade, a life that I love...but I don't love those moments when it is hard for my kids. Even though, in this case, it WASN'T hard for my daughter; it was hard for me.</div>
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And so she went into her day smiling, and I got into my van, turned on Christian music and cried. I let the songs remind me that God is in control. He loves her more than I do. He loves me more than I love her.</div>
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I am not sure how that is possible.</div>
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I am not sure how to survive the fragile state of my mother's heart. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"And God looked at all He had made, and indeed it was very good." Genesis 1:31</span></b></blockquote>
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Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-14749689982109985032012-08-17T09:16:00.000-07:002012-08-17T09:16:10.794-07:00Odd Memories<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Sometimes my husband is a genius.</div>
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I was remembering a time, over a decade ago, when the little girl in the picture was just a baby. Her older brother, who was 11, had done something wrong. I can't remember what it was, but whatever it was escalated into one of those family "moments". </div>
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Mom is yelling. Boy is crying. Dad wants it all to go away.</div>
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My son said he was going to run away. In a fit of tough love I told him he couldn't have his shoes. I shouted, "If your going out on your own, you have to do it on your own. No shoes from this house," or something equally ridiculous.</div>
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My son headed out the back door into the yard. We lived on a hill, and our back yard had a top portion, a bottom portion and a field beyond that. When he got down to the bottom part of the yard, my hubby grabbed the baby, ran out the door, and met my son just before he got to the field.</div>
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He then handed the baby to my angry adolescent and said, "Here. Take her."</div>
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My son was dumbfounded. Baffled, he asked, "What?"</div>
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"Yeah. If you are not going to be here I'd rather not have any kids. It will be easier."</div>
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My husband then turned around and came inside.</div>
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That was it. Drama was over, I was laughing hysterically, and my son could come back home with his dignity in tact. Things calmed down and we ate dinner. Our family of four was all under one roof.</div>
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Sometimes I make such a big deal out of every little thing, when what I really need to do is simply breathe.</div>
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<span style="background-color: #9fc5e8;">"</span><span class="text Gal-5-22" id="en-NASB-29185" style="background-color: #9fc5e8;"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,</span><span style="background-color: #9fc5e8;"> </span><span class="text Gal-5-23" id="en-NASB-29186"><sup class="versenum" style="background-color: #9fc5e8;"> </sup><span style="background-color: #9fc5e8;">gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."-Galatians 5:22-23</span></span></blockquote>
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It was an amazing display of the fruit of the Spirit in an unexpected moment and a creative way.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I love that guy. </span>Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-5660296768895207832012-08-13T18:33:00.000-07:002012-08-13T18:37:01.309-07:00Progress<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
This is my refrigerator:</div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468">It may not be perfectly organized for some people, but it is amazingly organized for me. That means I am making progress.</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468">Just because I have not reached menu following perfection does NOT mean I am going to give up! Here is week #3:</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468"><b style="color: #783f04;">MEXICAN MONDAY</b> <span style="color: #783f04;"> Tacos</span>. I am trying Trader Joe's taco shells, so we'll see how we like them.</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468"><b style="color: #3d85c6;">CROCK POT TUESDAY</b> <span style="color: #3d85c6;"> Chicken with green chiles and cheese over rice and salad</span>. As you can see I have started storing my lettuce in Mason jars. It keeps them so much crisper!</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468"><b style="color: #93c47d;">SIMPLE WEDNESDAY</b> I have Bunko this week, so <span style="color: #93c47d;">mac 'n' cheese and fruit </span>it is!</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468"><b>THURSDAY</b> Homemade pizza</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468"><b>FRIDAY</b> Burgers, of course!</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468"><b style="color: orange;">SATURDAY </b><span style="color: orange;"> Fish Tacos</span>...this time I really WILL make them</span></div>
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<span id="goog_1218183468" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="color: cyan;">SUNDAY</b><span style="color: cyan;"> Finger food and salad</span>. We will eat out by the pool and have my hubby bbq shrimp and veggie skewers. We'll also have water melon and salad. This is the LAST Sunday before school starts, I want to make it fun! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will remind myself of verses out of Proverbs 9:</span><br />
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<b style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wisdom has built her house. She has hewn out her seven pillars; She has prepared her food, she has mixed her wine; She has also set her table...For by me your days will be multiplied and years of life will be added to you. </span></b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Let my days be multiplied, and let my years actually be full of life!</span> Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8749427921588351713.post-9013949341551762552012-08-11T18:30:00.000-07:002012-08-11T18:35:54.830-07:00Because Not Every Bible Study Has to look the Same<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think I am finally ready to accept the fact that I don't fit in. May be I never will.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps that is okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I sit in leadership meetings for women's ministries and I often argue in my head...sometimes even out loud. What if you never find a best friend in your small group? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think that church can sometimes feel like the loneliest place on the planet.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgamt3noqrXURkIIoRTwI6akrXNdiUTwafspJ_n7IUWHaADBneUQF4ZBC_5RJP4UGcf8wL5Ol-T4bkn3URpINjlWkTLGYlqfTRGgQs43uwN8BMRmLbzBWoHR7W-_jcUPNoKUSR-PscPILhn/s1600/lonely.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgamt3noqrXURkIIoRTwI6akrXNdiUTwafspJ_n7IUWHaADBneUQF4ZBC_5RJP4UGcf8wL5Ol-T4bkn3URpINjlWkTLGYlqfTRGgQs43uwN8BMRmLbzBWoHR7W-_jcUPNoKUSR-PscPILhn/s1600/lonely.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For years I have wrestled in and out of popularity...in the midst of planning a <a href="http://www.brightenacorner.com/">brighten a corner</a></span> <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">project there is always much anticipation, excitement and conversation to be had. But in between the wild times, in the down times of real life, I sometimes find it hard to find a sincere "hello".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This summer I think I may have changed that. I accepted that I don't fit in, and prayerfully created a Bible Study that I would love. It came as a result of praying about two things:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How to be a better steward, and REALLY use what God has given me to His glory.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How to provide an engaging environment for Ryan, my 7 year old daughter with special needs.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was centered around Lysa Terkeurst's DVD series <a href="http://lysaterkeurst.com/what-happens-when-women-say-yes-to-god/">WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WOMEN SAY YES TO GOD</a> </span>. <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love Lysa Terkeurst, who is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her relaxed style, wrapped around simple verses with stories woven in was just what I needed this summer. This is how the day was scheduled:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10:00 arrive.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10:15 do fun, creative activities with our kids </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">11:00 kids outside with childcare, moms watch the video and discuss</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">12:00 Potluck lunch</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">12:30 Open the cover to the pool and swim</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> This is what it looked like:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I feel like I have new friends</span>. <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know that Ryan engaged in more activities than she would have had I not done it. Although she doesn't talk, I know that brain of hers is watching, and learning. This was the scene at my home last night, after the last Bible Study had ended earlier that (very, very hot) day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can't see it, but my Bible is to her left, and she is holding the workbook<i> "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God".</i></span> <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She had her stuffed animals sitting on the couch, and she was inviting them into the conversation about the book.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Precious. A great reminder. What Happens When Women Say Yes To God? Their children sometimes say yes, too. This never would have happened if I had just waited to fit in. </span><br />Robin Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335297214086265019noreply@blogger.com0