Friday, February 28, 2014

The Best Choice

Lisa Jo Baker invites us all to write for 5 minutes (as a way of letting go of perfection) each Friday. We all write about one word...Today's word is CHOOSE. Welcome to 5 Minute Friday found here.

IN the moment. That is what I call this child of IN THE MOMENT child.

I can't worry about yesterdays...surgeries and appointments; medicines and diagnoses; limitations and hopes.

I can't worry about tomorrow. It is not guaranteed. She may never talk. She may never do so very many things.

But if I choose to focus on that, I miss the moment that is right here.

She is love embodied. She is joy, and she is fiest, and she is a gift. Each moment I choose to see, is a moment I am thankful for.

Before my precious little peanut came into my life I was always spinning from one situation to the next, my mind was always, always, always whirling. But parenting a child with special needs changes all that because no matter how hard I try, I can not control the pace of her life.

Unless I want her to pay a high price...sacrificing all the wonder and possibility that she may discover in her own moments in her own time.

And that is something I will choose not to do.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Garden-5 Minute Friday

This is my first 5 Minute Friday found over here: Fun...will add pictures in a bit! FINALLY, I did it.

In my mind the visions are beautiful and plenty.

The rows of vegetables are even and marked by sticks that are lovely, yet imperfect, because they are made by precious little people who live under my roof.

The fruit trees blossom, and produce fruit that is lovingly transformed into luscious pies and homemade jams.

There are summer parties where friends gather and take home the overflow, and there are healthy opportunities to snack everywhere I turn.

The benches that line the paths of my garden beg me to come and sit with my Bible. And I do, each morning, with my cup of coffee.

It is a place of nurturing and learning for my precious little daughter with special needs. Who doesn't talk, but does love. Who is learning to read, but not quite learning to count. In my mind my garden is a rich and full place of endless counting practice. Ryan's Rooster Ranch is in the corner, with its picket fence, and every day we count the eggs we collect and the vegetables we pick.

That is all in my mind. In reality I have a side yard that is all dirt and dead weeds.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Million Little Stories

Like the one about the guy who came walking into the emergency room with a bullet in his chest.

Or the one about the purple rubber glove and a kiss.

Or failing to stand. Or endless waiting rooms. Or company coming and going and coming back again, laughing and crying and all that fills the moments in between. 

My hubby's mom has severe dementia, and began her forgetting well over a decade ago. My hubby's dad has Alzheimer's and masked it with anger, fooling an entire family for years as we worried about mom.

My certainty that my life will settle into routines of blogging, Bible Study, Homeschooling, ministry and family are foggy wishful thinkings, lost in weeks of ambulance rides, hospital rooms, and decisions.

A year ago, my father in law went into the hospital with severe dehydration. It weakened him so much that he was never able to return to his assisted living center. He stayed in a rehab facility for weeks with my mother in law in the building next door, until they were kicked out. Memory Care for two people in our county was around $150,000 a year. Just as we were preparing to look out of state, we found a memory care facility in a neighboring county that we could afford.

We drove an hour to have a look and loved it.

After three long weeks trying to make it in the assisted living wing, we made the decision to move them to the memory unit...

A few weeks ago my father in law was taken back to the hospital, three times. Twice he would not have made it through the night had he stayed home. Two separate times there have been medication errors. It is exhausting.

All of his kids were here, coincidentally, as this was happening. Saying goodbye when each one left took on a whole new meaning...

But now he seems to be perking back up. Perhaps he may even go back to the memory unit with his wife. 

We have made alternate arrangements. We have a PLAN A and a PLAN B. God has provided, and we are trudging along in faith. But we are weary. My hubby and I are both a bit brain numb today...Sometimes balancing all of life seems impossible.

Because there still is this partial homeschool thing that we are doing, and want to do well.

And a ministry that we are trying to build momentum for. And a airplane my hubby would like to get in the air again, and businesses that must be maintained in order to pay those dog gone bills.

I am pricked by the knowledge that God wants to build my character through all of this. He wants to build my faith and reliance on Him. And so on my gratitude list is added, very simply, deep breaths. They carry me through this season, and help me refocus on the joy that is very real and very present if only I pay attention...